When Grief Packs a Suitcase
With summer vacation season upon us, I’ve been thinking about how travel and family vacations have changed since losing my husband.
A few years ago, planning a vacation meant sharing links back and forth, dreaming about places to go and things to do. Preparing for the trip meant tag-teaming the packing and loading of the car. He would drive while I handed out snacks. He’d pump the gas while I ran inside with the kids for bathroom breaks. We’d play guessing games to pass the time and take turns choosing songs.
This summer, I will still travel with my children, but it will be quite different. Unfortunately, our grief will travel along with us.
Our first family trip without my husband was a weekend in the mountains, just three months after his death. I remember feeling a small sense of excitement about getting away and then immediately feeling guilty for allowing myself to feel that way.
Grief is sneaky like that. It shows up in unexpected places and steals joy from moments that should feel light. Even something as simple as looking forward to a weekend away felt like a betrayal of the sadness I thought I was supposed to carry.
At the time, I didn't yet understand that grief and joy can exist together. Missing someone deeply doesn't mean you're no longer allowed to laugh, make memories, or enjoy the people who are still beside you.
Since that first summer without him, I’ve continued to find opportunities to travel, sometimes with friends or family, but often with just my children. I’ve learned to embrace the sense of accomplishment I feel after returning home from a trip where everyone had a good time and experienced something new.
I’m still working on not feeling resentful when I see two-parent families navigating the airport or seemingly perfect families smiling for photos on the beach. But I’m learning to appreciate this time with my children and the opportunity we have to create new memories together.
The trips don't look the way I once imagined they would, and there are still moments when the absence feels especially heavy. But I've learned that making new memories doesn't leave old ones behind. Both can exist side by side, and there is room for joy even when grief comes along for the journey.
How has travel, vacation, or time away changed since your loss? Is there anything that has helped make those experiences easier?
I'd love to hear your experience in the comments or in our private Facebook community.
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