Finding Your Herd After Loss

Grief can be extremely isolating. While people try to empathize and be there for you, it's hard for them to truly understand what you're experiencing. People often say, "You're not alone," but if you're like me, sometimes you do feel completely alone.

Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my memories. Alone with my hurt.

It's a dark place to be.

In the two and a half years since losing my husband, I've gradually built a network of people who support me when I find myself in that dark pit of loneliness. Some of them have experienced a similar loss. Others haven't, but they have a capacity to listen, understand, and simply show up in a way I've come to appreciate so much more since experiencing grief myself.

Without this network, I don't think I'd be nearly as strong or optimistic as I am today.

I've thought a lot lately about our need to find people who understand the season of life we're in. I remember feeling something similar when I became a parent. There was comfort in finding other parents who understood the sleepless nights, the uncertainty, the overwhelming love, and the feeling that your entire life had changed overnight. I remember people calling it finding your "tribe."

Grief is obviously very different. But I've discovered that the need for connection is much the same.

There are parts of loss that can be difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. Sometimes you don't need advice or reassurance. You just need someone who understands why an ordinary Tuesday can suddenly be hard, why a happy milestone can bring tears, or why grief can show up when you least expect it.

You need your herd.

Finding that herd isn't always easy. And if you're still looking for yours, I'm glad you found Solas Together. We're still building and growing, and we all come from different circumstances with different stories of loss. But we're here because we understand something about what it means to keep moving forward while carrying someone we love with us.

Walking through the storm together doesn't make it disappear. But I believe it can make us stronger as we face it.

I don't know what lies ahead for any of us. But I'm learning that strength isn't always about facing the hard things on our own. Sometimes strength is knowing who your herd is and allowing them to stand beside you when the storm comes.

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‍I'd love to hear from you: Who has become part of your herd since your loss? What has helped you feel less alone?

‍Share in the comments below or continue the conversation in our private Facebook community.

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