What I wish others knew about loss

People want to help but they don’t know how. They want to say the right things, but are at a loss for words. Grief, loss, and death make people uncomfortable, therefore we avoid discussing it. Instead we deliver lasagna, send flowers, and offer to “let me know how I can help…”

In the early days after my husband’s death, I found myself protecting others by not talking about my sadness or not sharing the whole truth of how I was doing. I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable with my despair. Instead of talking about the important things and facing grief head on, we are expected to move on with life, much too quickly. I’ve found that people feel uncomfortable talking about my husband. Perhaps they’re afraid it will make me sad (so what if it does? I am sad!) or maybe they think not talking about him will make the pain go away (it won’t!). Whatever the reason, I sense people don’t feel comfortable saying his name. What I would like people to know is that it’s ok to say his name. It’s a reminder to me that he’s not forgotten. It’s not like I’m moving through life completely oblivious to the fact that my husband died, and now that you’ve said his name, I’m right back at square one in my grief…no, it’s not like that at all. Saying his name and inviting memories of him are gentle reminders that he was loved and is remembered, and it’s a simple way to show me you care.

What have you learned that you wish others knew about supporting someone through loss?