What no one tells you about grief

No one really prepares you for grief. Not how it unfolds, or how it lingers, or how it changes you. Grief is something we all know of, but very few people truly talk about it. This post is an invitation to share something you’ve learned on your grief journey. That could be something you wish someone had told you or something you only understand now because you’ve lived it.

For me, getting through the first year was a challenge that I worked through as if I were training for a marathon or climbing a mountain. I approached all the “firsts” by mustering up strength and confidence I didn’t know I had. As I approached the first anniversary of my husband’s death , my last “first”, I was slapped in the face with a reality that there is no finish line with grief. Yes, I’d made it through a very challenging year, and that’s something to be proud of, but what next? I didn’t actually “make it” because there’s a whole life ahead, and my husband is still dead. There is no celebration. There is no end to grief. It will always be a part of my story and a part of my children’s lives. It will continue to be something we grapple with, something we cry about, something that shapes us. That was a tough realization and one I had to live through to truly understand. With grief, there is no finish line. No moment where it’s suddenly behind you, only a life that continues, shaped by what was lost. With that said, it’s now almost the end of year 2 without my husband, and things are much less intense. Somewhere along the way my good days started to eclipse my bad days, so if you are newly bereaved, I don’t want this post to feel discouraging. Things do get easier or more comfortable, but it’s never finished.